If you’re not feeling loved by someone you love, take courage in the story of Leah in Genesis.
Jacob, Leah’s husband, did not love her. In fact, what’s even worse, he loved her sister, Rachel, instead. Leah named her first three sons out of her hope and desire for her husband to love her, thinking if she bore him sons he would love him. She named her first “Reuben” which means, “Look, a son,” saying, “Now my husband will love me.” She named her second son “Simeon” which means “listening” because she felt the Lord heard her prayer for Jacob to love her. She named her third son “Levi” which means “joined together” because she believed this time her husband will finally be joined to her.
By the time she had her fourth son, she named him Judah, which means “may God be praised.” She finally stopped trying to make Jacob love her, and instead she let go and let God take over. It’s no coincidence that Jesus would be born from the line of Judah.
Some people love people the way they know how to love, and the beloved just doesn’t notice. A father may love her daughter through acts of service rather than words of affirmation or quality time.
Others may simply not love you, but that does not mean you’re unlovable.
You’re chosen by God for a reason only you can know. Do not wait for someone else to give you the love that God the Father has already given you.
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Hi my name is father, mike schmitz.
And this is ascension presents.
So I was speaking with someone recently and they shared a bit of their story.
And a bit of the story was was really painful.
And the painful part was, um, they have a sibling and um say, two brothers, right and their their dad, uh, clearly loved one of their brothers and didn't love them.
One of his brothers right is it two brothers? One was loved by their dad.
And the other one was like, yeah, he doesn't, even he seems like every time.
He tries to talk to me.
It is a struggle for him, but he has this great relationship with my brother.
And I just it hurts me every time that I just uh it's clear to me that my dad doesn't love me, um, what do I do? Because they were saying it hurts every time? What do I do? You know what this could be different between guys and their dads or moms and women and their and their dads and moms, and it could be kind of a different situation.
So I I want to kind of hopefully address that at least a little bit, but I think the first thing to understand is, um, there are times just like I just this isn't helpful, but it's reality.
There are times when the people who are supposed to love us.
Just don't, love us.
There's also times when the people who um are supposed to love us.
Well, don't love us.
Well and there's also times when people who are supposed to love us love us.
But they don't love us in the way we want them to love us I'm going to start with that one, just because it's kind of the lowest hanging fruit.
There are times when um people who love us.
They love us, but we they don't love us how we want and here's what I mean I remember talking with a student who she had said that, um, she would have gone home for some kind of a break.
We had it on campus.
And she just was lamenting this this.
Uh, I believe that her dad didn't, actually love her.
And I said, well, tell me more about this.
She said, he didn't spend any time with me.
He didn't talk with me.
He didn't ask me how my time at school has been he didn't like, you know, all these things she really wanted to do with her dad.
He didn't make any time to do them with her.
In fact, she said that, you know, I got home, and you know, he said, hello and was very polite.
And really he was happy to see me seemed like it, but then he left I'm like, oh, okay, you know, did he have something to do? Yeah? I mean, he went outside.
And and he like went through my car took my car to the to the vacuum place and like vacuumed it out.
And then he was out in the garage like he.
He jacked it up.
And he was uh taking up the changing my oil and he's all these kind of things and like I'm, just like dad, I'm here, what the heck and I was able to point this out as she was describing like, oh, wait a second.
It is clear.
Your dad loves you? What do you mean? He didn't spend time with me, but what did he do? You got home.
He greeted you all these kind of things.
And then he went out and started caring for you like he cleaned your car.
He changed your oil.
He did the things that he knew he could do right like there are some people that we just.
We don't know how to love others, well, or we don't know how to love in the way that they can receive it it's called like the five love languages, right? Gary chapman.
I should make a video about that because it comes up all the time.
She wanted quality time with her dad.
She wanted words of affirmation with between her and her dad where he says the words, I love you, my beloved daughter with his mouth.
But he was saying that entire time I love you my beloved daughter with his actions.
Anyways back to our story.
Here is this person who's like man, my dad doesn't love me, not like.
He loves my brother with my brother, it's so easy and here's.
The thing that's, a reality, that's gonna be the case.
Some people find it easy to love me and some people find it difficult to love me.
My guess is this is the truth for you too that some people will find it easy to love you.
And some people will find it more difficult to love you, because you just have more things in common with them, because you think the same way because you kind of have the same disposition that for some, you will be incredibly easy to love for others.
Not so much it's possible.
This might not be the case, but it's possible that just when it comes to your dad.
And your brother they just have more in common.
They just have the ability to kind of relate to each other in a way that is just easier that doesn't mean that, um, this is the kiss is key.
It does mean that your dad is limited.
And if this is your mom like you're, watching us listening to this and you're like well, that's my mom, and I that that just means your mom's, limited here's, what it doesn't mean, it doesn't mean that you're unlovable, this is so key.
And you have to I just invite you.
Please receive this.
Please hear this the fact that someone finds it difficult to love you, or I would say, like someone finds it.
Yeah, it's difficult to love you that doesn't mean, you're unlovable that doesn't mean that you are inherently intrinsically who you are is hard to love.
Now it just means that we're walking around in a world, full of a bunch of people with small hearts, a bunch of people with broken hearts.
We don't know how to love people that we don't automatically connect with.
We don't know how to love people that just kind of like, oh, it's, just I don't know what to talk about with them.
And sometimes those people are going to be our parents.
Sometimes those people are going to be our siblings.
Sometimes those people are going to be our roommates.
We moved in with like wait a second.
We should have this kind of relationship.
We don't have an I and I'm brokenhearted by this like that's, just the case it.
Doesn't mean, you are unlovable.
It just means that there are some people who just can't love everyone well.
And sometimes those people we call them mom.
And sometimes with people, we call them dad and sometimes here's moms and dads.
Sometimes those people are called your kids because it goes both ways right? It goes both ways there are so many parents who are like, I just try to do everything for my kids.
And I just don't have the sense that they love me back.
This could be the case for any one of us that doesn't mean, you are unlovable, but also doesn't mean that we need to go down the road to trying to win someone's, love there's, a story in the bible in the old testament about, um, a woman who was absolutely unloved? Well, absolutely, but she was quite unloved.
Her name was leah, um, leah was the older sister to rachel, um and jacob wanted to marry rachel.
Rachel was the beautiful one leah was the plain one.
Rachel was the one who captivated jacob's heart.
And leah was the one that when jacob had worked seven long years for rachel's, father laban.
It was promised to marry rachel that on the wedding day.
The father instead made jerry jacob marry leah, um jacob didn't find out about this until the next day she heavily veiled that it was dark, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, jacob's willing to work for another seven years for laban to be able to marry rachel.
And then when they have this fantastic phenomenal relationship of this one man, married to two sisters.
What happens? What happens is what we'd all expect to happen jacob loved.
He did not love leah, the story unfolds and says that, but, but leah could have children in that in that culture that was a sign of great blessing or sign of great favor.
But jacob still didn't love leah, even though rachel couldn't give jacob any any sons leah could give jacob all these all these sons jacob still didn't, give leah his heart.
In fact you have, this desperation in how leah names her children.
The name of leah's.
First son was reuben.
She named him reuben.
With the words see.
I have a son.
Now my husband will love me.
Second child's name was simeon.
Leah was saying.
Now god heard that I was hated.
The third child was named levi.
And that name levi is, the lord had heard that I have a son.
And now my husband will love me you this desperation and these first three sons that leah has like I have this son now he will love me.
I have the son now he'll love me.
I can do this.
and now he'll.
Love me and she was waiting on his love at some point.
Something must have happened in leah, where she realized I can't do this I can't live life like this.
I can't, keep waiting for the person.
I would like to love me to love me so leah, had their fourth son, his name, was judah and judah means may god be praised.
No longer is she in the competition? No longer she trying to fight for this.
Man's love she's like no, I know who loves me already.
And this is the key for all of us.
There are going to be people in our lives, even parents, even family members, even close close people to us who do not love us like they should do not love us like we want them to, and we can fight for their love.
We can try to convince them to love us better.
We can we can even accuse ourselves of being unlovable that's.
Not wise what's wise is to say, that's, just the case.
This is might be the case that it just because of their small heart or broken heart.
They don't love me like they should.
And they don't love me like I want.
But there is a father in heaven who loves me and make this statement.
I am not going to wait for another person to give me what the father has already given me I'm, not going for another person to give me love when the father in heaven has already given me, love I'm, not gonna wait for the f for another person to give me to tell me that you are worthy, and you are lovable, and you are desired, and you are inestimable, and you are are chosen I'm, not gonna wait for that, because the father has already spoken over you.
And he has said, you're worthy and you're lovable and you're chosen don't, wait for another person to give you what the father has already given you like leah, you don't have to fight for their love.
You can say, judah, may god be praised for all of us here.
My name is father.
Mike god, bless you.
Sometimes, feeling unloved isn't due to anything our partner has done, but comes from inside ourselves. It's possible we are having low self esteem. Sometimes, it is an issue with the relationship or our partner. It's also likely we've not been able to communicate to our partner what we need to feel loved.Is it normal to not feel loved in a relationship? ›
Relationships can be difficult at times and it's not uncommon for couples to find themselves losing romantic feelings and facing the decision of whether to remain together or separate. It is normal for relationships to change over time, and that sometimes includes losing feelings for the person you are with.What happens when a woman doesn't feel loved? ›
When a woman feels neglected in a relationship, she is likely to feel as if she isn't important. This can lead to her also feeling sad, depressed, or hopeless. She may also begin to feel lonely as if she has no one to turn to because her partner is emotionally unavailable.What does feeling unloved feel like? ›
A person who feels unlovable might have difficulty setting healthy boundaries. Because humans have an inherent need to be loved and accepted, someone who feels unlovable might feel incapable of setting boundaries because they will sacrifice their other needs in order to make these connections.What causes a person to not feel love? ›
Potential philophobia causes include: Previous difficult relationships: Children who experience their parents' argumentative divorce, parental death, abandonment or child abuse may find it difficult to feel love for others. The same holds true for adults who experience infidelity, divorce, abuse or abandonment.How do I start feeling loved again? ›
- Open Your Heart. ...
- Be Complete With Yourself. ...
- Understand We Are All Broken And You Are Not Alone. ...
- Fear No More. ...
- Forgive Others Who Have Hurt You. ...
- Choose To See The Positive In People Instead Of The Negative. ...
- Do Things That You Love.
- Be kind to yourself. It seems simple, but it can be one of the hardest acts of self-love to master. ...
- Change your self-talk. ...
- Adjust your physical state. ...
- Meditate. ...
- Surround yourself with supportive people. ...
- Don't lose yourself in relationships. ...
- Adopt an abundance mindset. ...
- Go off the grid.
You don't like hanging out together anymore.
"You find yourself avoiding them as opposed to prioritizing them, and you don't miss them when you're not together." If you'd rather spend time away from them than with them, it shows that you're happier alone, which isn't what a relationship is about.
- “What's been different?” Before you say anything to your partner, first ask this to yourself. ...
- “I have something to talk about. ...
- “I noticed that we haven't been together as much. ...
- “I know it might sound like extra pressure. ...
- “Hey I've been feeling a bit neglected lately.”
The reason why someone feels that they are unlovable can stem from several things. They can be memories of the past, a chronic mental illness, or something as simple as self-esteem.
Communication issues and unrealistic expectations are two of the main reasons people find themselves falling out of love. But there are things that can be done to stop the fall. Relationships are hard work; they should be viewed as investments, particularly if there is a marriage.Am I being neglected in my relationship? ›
Signs of Emotional Neglect
You feel like you're alone in your relationship. You prefer to spend time alone vs. time with your partner. Your partner shuts down when you want to talk.
In conclusion, there are various reasons why a woman may lose interest in a man. These can include a lack of emotional connection, communication breakdown, the man stopping efforts, societal pressures, life goals/values not aligning, and more.How do I stop feeling lonely and unloved? ›
- Acknowledge Your Feelings of Loneliness. ...
- Know When to Engage or Disengage From the Online World. ...
- Find a Volunteer Opportunity as a Way to Feel Less Lonely. ...
- Join a Group or Club to Overcome Loneliness With In-Person Connections. ...
- Practice Self-Care.
If your daughter feels unloved, she may suffer from several emotional problems. Symptoms can include depression, anxiety, self-harm, and more. These feelings are often the result of the way her parents treated her during her childhood.Why do I still feel alone in my relationship? ›
There are several reasons why a person might be feeling alone in a relationship, including trust issues, attachment issues, abuse in past relationships or poor communication styles.What mental illness is lack of love? ›
They named this “disorder” or syndrome the “Frustration Neurosis” or “Deprivation Neurosis,” because it manifests the frustrated sensitive need for unconditional love of every human being. 1. American Psychiatric Association.Am I emotionally detached? ›
Symptoms of emotional detachment
a lack of attention, or appearing preoccupied when around others. difficulty being loving or affectionate with a family member. avoiding people, activities, or places because they're associated with past trauma. reduced ability to express emotion.
Recognize that when a woman shuts down emotionally (or a man!) it is because she is trying to protect herself from getting hurt. Maybe she had a bad experience with a parent or former partner, and she is afraid to be yelled at or abused in some way. Shutting down emotionally is often a form of self-preservation.Am I falling out of love or just comfortable? ›
If you find yourself totally disinterested in what your partner thinks, feels, says or does, it's likely that loving feeling is gone. Arzt adds people who “only do the bare minimum” may be falling out of love. “They may oblige with date night, but they feel restless and bored,” she says.
Some people will feel most appreciated when they spend quality time with their loved ones, while others prioritize physical touch, and still others need words of affirmation in order to feel truly cherished.What is empty love in a relationship? ›
Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses' relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating "how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship ...Am I unhappy or is it my relationship? ›
Here are some signs that your relationship is making you depressed: You feel tired, bored and unfulfilled when you are together. The relationship makes you feel bad about yourself. You don't feel safe when you are with your partner.How do I know if I am unhappy? ›
You feel depressed, anxious, or chronically worried. You feel like you're not appreciated enough. You find yourself judging others. You frequently numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, sex, television, or excessive busyness.Why do I feel like I stopped caring? ›
Feeling as if you don't care about anything anymore may be related to anhedonia or apathy. Anhedonia is a mental state in which people have an inability to feel pleasure. It is often a symptom of mental health conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, and substance use.Why do I feel like I need love? ›
The need for affection solidifies our desire to know we are compatible with another human being, even if the relationship is on the friendship or familial level. It creates a sense of harmony in a relationship, especially when it is an intimate one, according to about.com.Why is she pulling away all of a sudden? ›
Other common reasons women become emotionally distant in relationships have to do with how quickly the relationship is evolving. Perhaps the relationship is moving too fast for her, and she's unsure as to how to express it. Other reasons women pull away could include losing interest in the relationship.Can people fall out of love and then back in love? ›
Is it possible to stay in love for the long-haul or fall back in love after falling out of it? You may be surprised that the overwhelming answer for many in the scientific community is YES. Real, lasting love is possible.What does a poor relationship look like? ›
Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include: Control. One dating partner makes all the decisions and tells the other what to do, what to wear, or who to spend time with. He or she is unreasonably jealous, and/or tries to isolate the other partner from his or her friends and family.How do emotionally neglected people act? ›
Examples of emotional neglect may include: lack of emotional support during difficult times or illness. withholding or not showing affection, even when requested. exposure to domestic violence and other types of abuse.
In the context of a marriage, the feelings of neglect, being left out, and not being heard are collectively referred to as emotional abandonment. It occurs when one partner is so preoccupied with their own concerns that they are unable to notice the struggles, concerns, or problems their partner is experiencing.What makes a man fall deeply in love with a woman? ›
Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.How long does it take for a woman to lose feelings? ›
There is no set-in-stone rule for this. You can lose your feelings in a few weeks or take years to let go of those feelings. Most times, it depends on how deeply you loved them, how you prioritize your healing process (and cut all ties with them), and how you are taking care of your needs at the moment.Why am I losing interest in my man? ›
In some cases, your sudden loss of interest in your partner could be the result of your discovering you both have different values or goals. When you feel this way, you may want to talk to your partner about it and think about whether or not you still want to stay in a relationship with them.Why do I still feel empty in a relationship? ›
What causes a feeling of emptiness in romantic relationships? “Emptiness” is often a symptom of unresolved pain. For example, somewhere in your past relationships, an emotional wound was left unhealed. Such wounds are most often caused by someone intimately close, such as a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a lover.Why do I feel no emotion in my relationship? ›
It may stem from an unwillingness or an inability to connect with others. There are two general types. In some cases, you may develop emotional detachment as a response to a difficult or stressful situation. In other cases, it may result from an underlying psychological condition.How do you know when to end a relationship? ›
- There's no emotional connection. ...
- Communication breakdown. ...
- Aggressive or confrontational communication. ...
- There's no appeal to physical intimacy. ...
- You don't trust them. ...
- Fantasising about others. ...
- You're not supporting each other and have different goals. ...
- You can't imagine a future together.
If you feel like you're playing a part, behaving and responding based on how you think you should rather than authentically, you might want to reassess what's going on. If you're not able to be authentically yourself around your partner, flaws and bad moods and all, it might not be the right relationship for you.Why do I suddenly feel nothing for my boyfriend? ›
If you feel empty even when your partner is very present in your life, that could indicate a deeper issue. You might suspect that this relationship isn't a good fit for you or experience self-doubt. It's important not to jump to conclusions. As mentioned above, depression is one common cause of feelings of emptiness.