Jordan Peterson: The Number One Reason Why Women Always Ruin Most Relationships (2023)

Introduction

Jordan Peterson is known for his no-nonsense advice, and in this video he lays out the number one reason why most relationships fail. Spoiler alert: it's not because of men, but something else entirely. Watch to find out what that is!
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Jordan Peterson is a Canadian professor of psychology, clinical psychologist, YouTube personality, and author. Jordan Peterson began to receive widespread attention in the late 2010s for his views on cultural and political issues, often described as conservative. Jordan Peterson's life advices will leave you speechless when taken seriously.

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Video

Women initiate about 75 percent of divorces, and there are multiple reasons for that.

But one reason is is that women are higher in trait neuroticism they're more sensitive to negative emotion.

So they feel more units of negative emotion, subjectively per unit of stress that's a way of thinking about it.

And so they get unhappy faster.

Now why is that? Well it juries out on that, but some possible reasons it seems to kick in at puberty because it's not true for boys and girls they're smaller, their upper bodies, aren't as strong they're they're, not likely to win physical contests, especially with men, especially with tough men, despite the Marvel movies.

And so the world is more dangerous for them in some sense, physically.

But I think more importantly, is the fact that are going to Bear primary responsibility for dependent infants.

And if you have an infant depending on you, you should react to the world as if it's more dangerous than you might if it was just you navigating through it.

So now, the downside of the that for the people who have to live with women and for women themselves is that they're more likely to get upset they're more likely to make a big deal out of something statistically speaking there's, plenty of men who are more neurotic than plenty of women.

Well, you know, there used to be before the divorce laws were really liberalized.

There were there you could sue for irreconcilable differences.

And and sometimes people do find themselves in that situation, it's like one person wants children.

And the other person doesn't it's like that's, a tough, one, it's, a tough one to negotiate.

So I'm, I'm, certainly not saying that just because you lock yourself into a like two cats in a barrel that that will make you solve your problems because problems are hard to solve.

And sometimes you can't solve them.

I was just pointing out what the cost of leaving.

The back door open is and it's a big cost.

And you know, one of the things I see too is that people's identities fragment increasingly across time, you know, one of the things that you have as you age is something like the continuity of your life.

You know, you you have someone one that you're with you've tied your story together with theirs.

You have children.

Maybe they have children it's like there's this continual payoff.

So to speak in quality that you obtain from staying within that frame.

And you can jump out of that and I suppose to some degree that that provides freedom.

But it isn't obvious to me that it does that for people see there's, some there's, some additional problems with divorce that people don't really grasp when they're young like the idea that you can be divorced.

Once you have children that's kind of a stupid idea because you can't you can you can find a limited substitute for your initial freedom.

But if you have kids and you try to get divorced the probability that that's going to demolish your life is very very high first of all it's, incredibly expensive.

So one, or both of you is going to come out of that poor and your market value has declined let's say, you're, the woman who takes the kids your market value has declined radically you're going to be poorer.

The man is just a screwed because he is now an indentured servant and there's, no escape from it.

So it's, not so bad.

If you can negotiate a peaceful separation and some people can but lots of times if you have a terrible relationship, it's, not like negotiating.

Peaceful separation is all that easy.

But if you're at each other's, throats, good luck to you I think it's roughly equivalent to having non-fatal cancer.

It is not pleasant it's.

A 10-year process, 15-year process, it'll cost you 250 000 and it'll tear a big chunk out of your life.

And also it will really disrupt your relationship with your kids.

And you know, you bring kids into a step parent family.

They do not do as well.

Step parents are not as good parents as biological parents and the data on that is clear.

Now, obviously there are exceptions because there are terrible biological parents.

And there are wonderful step parents.

But if you look in aggregate, it's, not that easy to care for children, you need everything you can binding you to them.

And if they're someone else's children, mostly they get in the way of the person that you love right? Well, if I'm let's say, you have a child I'll be right out, let's say, you have a child and I want to go out with you.

Every second you spend with that child is the second you don't spend with me and and there's going to be a price for that I'm, not going to be happy about that.

And and if I have a child you're going to feel exactly the same way, you might say, well, no I love children, it's like, yeah, yeah.

Sure sure you do I doubt it, you might love your child.

And and you know, it's, pretty specific the way that people love children.

So and the rate of abuse for kids in step, parent families is way higher than it is in biological families, there's, not even any comparison.

Each time you have a conflict.

You think should I be in this relationship.

Well, that's a big problem, because you actually don't know how much conflict should you have before you shouldn't be in a relationship.

And the answer to that is well, you don't know now, there's actually some empirical work on the topic.

So I can give you a provisional answer, which is quite interesting.

So there was a research psychologist a while back who I thought did a brilliant study, and they had couples record, positive events, just qualitatively.

How many positive interactions did you have with your partner during the day versus how many negative interactions, don't think they Quantified the degree to which they were positive and negative they're just going to assume that across multiple instances that would wash out.

And what they found was it's quite cool.

They found that if you had fewer than five positive interactions to every negative interaction, the relationship was going to collapse.

So now you can start counting and see if that's appropriate to you.

But the other thing they found, which I thought was really lovely was that if you had more than 11 positive interactions to one negative interaction, the relationship was also so doomed.

And so you think you see you understand that right, everyone knows that because if someone's wandering around treating you like a god or a goddess, the first thing you're going to do is be just contemptuous of them and then completely bored.

You want the person to harass you a bit just so that you learn something that's part of it.

So, but so it's, also evidence that there's, actually someone there that you're interacting with, you know, because if someone just does everything you want all the time, well, I mean, that might sound like an ideal fantasy, but you know perfectly well that if that ever happened, that's just you're just going to get completely tired of that instantly plus there's, no there's, no life in the relationship right? Which is a big issue? Well, the other thing too is, you can be sure that in a relationship where there's no conflict.

Nothing is being decided because thought is conflict.

Even if you do it by yourself, you know, and so if if they're two of you in a boat and you're trying to decide where you're going in the future it's, not like that's self-evident, there has to be some you have to have an opinion and your partner has to have an opinion and there's.

No, no reason at all to assume that those opinions either will be or should be the same.

And then you know, you hope the relationship is solid enough so that it can withstand the tension of the conflict.

One of the things Jung said about marriage, which I thought was because you don't get a very nice job of trying to understand from a psychological perspective, why? In the world you should bother being married, which is really a very interesting question.

You know, and one of the things one of the things he said was that you don't need to tie two things together if they'll just stay together of their own accord.

So the fact that marriage is a human Universal, which it is indicates that there is enough tension within Intimate, Relationships, centrifugal, tension to blow them apart.

And some of that's, just because people are different and they Clash, but it's also, because as you go through life in a single boat, you encounter huge waves.

And you know, you might get swamped so it's, a big problem.

His point was that the marriage vow was necessary.

Because if your response to potential conflict was I can leave, you can't have the conflict.

You know, if if on the other hand you're with someone, and you think there's, no bloody way, I can get rid of you.

No matter what I do short of murder I'm stuck with you for the next 30 Years.

Then we better work this out.

And so that makes the he thought of that as a container within which a transformation could take place.

It was an alchemical Motif and that without that pressure, people weren't going to be sufficiently motivated to really hash out problems.

Foreign.