What if you don't deserve happiness or health or help? (2023)

Introduction

Clip from a recent stream on Twitch: twitch.tv/markwfreeman Variations of this delusion come up often. And that's exactly what it is: a delusion that we then engage with through all sorts of compulsions to trap ourselves in a tiny cage. It's time to bust out of that cage by stealing some happiness.

Start learning how to cut out unhelpful judgment compulsions with the Non-Judgment Workout Plan: www.thetoolkitstore.com/product/the-non-judgment-course/

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Video

What if you're stuck? What if your big barrier is that you feel? Uh, you don't deserve help, or it comes up in all sorts of ways, right? We'll, say, all right? I don't deserve, uh that job right? I don't deserve success, uh, you know, I have to we feel like we have to go and do a whole bunch of things before we're deserving of that, or I don't deserve that relationship, it's another place that comes up a lot.

People feel actually that they they don't want to get into actually a healthy relationship, a relationship, that's, good for them, because they feel like, oh, there's.

All these things that are wrong with me or there's.

All these things I need to fix first and then I'll be deserving of this thing.

So there's, two things.

I really want to call it with this one.

The first thing to recognize is this like this is the same as every other compulsion, where we believe there's this feeling we need to get before doing the thing that's actually useful to us.

There is no difference between saying, ah, you know, maybe I should go to therapy, but like I don't, like I don't feel deserving of it.

I don't feel deserving of help that's, no different than oh like I'd like to leave my home, but I don't feel like I I can do that right now, because I don't feel certain about either what's at home, or I like I don't feel safe.

I don't feel like it's, it's good for me right now.

And then we do all those compulsions like, oh, okay.

I just need to check lots of things in here, or we start doing lots of compulsions because we're afraid of contaminating something out there like, oh, I'm gonna take the bad thing outside.

I don't feel I should do that.

I need to feel like it's resolved before I go and live my life same as every other compulsion.

But so often we believe it right this idea of deserving.

We this is one that I see coming up a lot where people really buy into it.

What we do here is, yeah.

We just we create this cage that we hold ourselves into the other thing, the second thing so that's, that's, first, recognizing it's, the same as every other compulsion, just choosing a feeling.

The other thing to to look at here, too is that it's also an indicator that there are many other compulsions happening before it.

Because when we're when we're trapped in that, oh, I don't deserve things, I'm, not good, etc cage.

We've built that cage through attaching meanings and judgments to so many different things in our lives.

And so many things we've done.

So many things that happen in our heads we can start to work on tackling the compulsions around that, you know, the things we're avoiding, because we think we're not deserving.

So we can say, okay, well, like you know, you're gonna go you're gonna call, you know somebody to get help you're gonna like actually give yourself that or you're just you're gonna give yourself some enjoyment this weekend like have a good time.

You don't always have to be punishing yourself things like that we can cut that out.

But, we've gotta also cut out all the compulsions that came before it.

And that act often gets into beliefs beliefs that we may have held onto for a very long time.

We build these cages this cage of I'm, not deserving like I shouldn't be happy.

We build them through these like intricate, complex series of compulsions, these series of transactional compulsions and judgments.

We say, oh, because I had this thought, therefore I am a bad person, or if I haven't figured out xyz, then I can't move ahead in life.

If I'm somebody who struggles with anxiety, then I can't do this, and I can't do that, and I can't do that.

And we the thing is, we often believe those and to start to recognize that those are compulsions that judging and labeling is a very straightforward controlling compulsion that we're often engaging in throughout our lives.

And that we see as normal, we may see as necessary.

And so start to look for that pattern.

This very transactional pattern, where we say, okay, I'm going to put this judgment on myself I'm going to attach this meaning, oh, and then because I attached that meaning, well that kind of person can't do this.

And that kind of person, oh, like that's bad.

They shouldn't go and take that kind of job.

They shouldn't work in a job like they shouldn't be out in public, because you know, it's going to come out that they're a bad person and they're going to be so embarrassed.

This is where you see people running into all of these compulsions, too around like fears of getting cancelled, avoiding jobs, really confining themselves in that cage start to see how we build that cage start to see how we're constantly going about attaching labels to things putting them in these tiny boxes that restrict us.

So what we've got to do is just like this pug right there.

We've got to just start to recognize so one, yeah, you could cut out the cobalts.

But because the brain has learned all of this stuff, you really the way to do this to really start to teach your brand new things is you've got to do it through actions, the brain learns beliefs through how we behave in the world.

So that cage that you've built, oh, I don't deserve this.

I shouldn't have that I'm a bad person.

So I can't do this that cage you built the only way to break it down now is to steal happiness is to start to take.

It is to notice the brain go.

Oh, but you're, not deserving like look.

You've spent all of these years telling yourself you're, not deserving of this, and that people who do that shouldn't have that and somebody that has those kinds of bad thoughts, shouldn't be allowed to go and do this.

The brain has learned that okay, let's learn that.

Now we've got to show it a more useful way of interacting with the world, and like for the pug that more useful way of interacting with the world is just go for the treats and that those treats are happiness.

Those treats are health.

This treats our enjoyment, those streets are relationships that nurture us and support our lives.

Those treats are doing the things that we want to do in life and giving the things we want to give.

And we've got to start to go and do them.

And then the brain starts to learn.

So if you're running in to challenges with a question like a question, similar to this and there's all sorts of forms of it, like I explained there this, oh, I don't.

Do I don't deserve this because of xyz, I shouldn't do that because I'm this kind of person.

And so on the way to break that down is to step out of the cage and it'll feel terrifying.

So come back to this pug, because that pug, no shame about what it's doing right now just tongue out get up on the counter top.

And you get the treats you.