You MUST Walk Away from These People | Jordan Peterson on TOXIC Relationships (2023)


Walk away from toxic people and surround yourself with those who want the best for the best in you.

This is typically what Dr. Jordan Peterson would say, but his way of articulating it with precise examples is just what you need to improve your relationships.

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What you want to do is for your child is that you want the best for the best in them that's what you want and that's.

What you want from people that you surround yourself with now they'll hold you to a high standard.

If that's the case right.

Because whenever you degenerate in any of the multiple ways that you're likely to degenerate they're going to like whack you on the back of the head and say, you know clue the hell in, you know you're you're demeaning yourself you're less than you could be and there's real judgment in that and it's harsh you know, but with friends, it's the same thing you want friends, they're not friends if they're not these people you want.

Friends who when something good happens to you they're, that's, good for you right? They're.

Happy about that.

They're, not like all bitter and resentful.

Underground and like saying, horrible things behind your back and telling you how they did something that was better and trying to drag you down.

It's like that's, not helpful and then when something bad happens to you and you.

Go to them, and you say, look this terrible thing happened to me first of all, they don't try to top it with some like horrible thing that happened to them because they don't have the patience to listen.

And second they're, not secretly gloating about the fact that catastrophe.

Finally, befall, you it's like they're, actually hurt by it.

And that that chapter is an injunction is like take a look at the people that are around you.

And if they're not on the side of what's good for you then walk away because well, first of all that's best for them too.

If you put up with that all you're doing is enabling it it's like well, it's, okay, that you mistreat me in a way that's harmful to me and everyone else it's like actually, no that is not okay.


Not in it's, not the least bit okay that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to help someone when they're down that's a whole different issue.

Sometimes someone's on an incorrigible path.

There's, just nothing.

You can do you know, maybe they're aiming down they're aiming down hard and they're, bitter and everything they do is to produce misery virtually everything.

And you have to detach yourself from that it's like I always think about it from the perspective of a lifeguard.

So if you're training to be a lifeguard, one of the things that you're trained to do is to approach someone who's, drowning and panicking.

And the way you approach them is you put your foot out between you and them, and you push forward with your hands with your foot out.

And you basically tell them if they're flailing about, you say, look I'm here to help, but you have to calm down.

And then if they cling to you like in panic, you push them away.

You think, well, that's pretty damn cruel, because what if they drown it's like? Yeah, what if you both drown that's like not helpful, you're, you're there to rescue them.

They take you down you're, both dead it's like fail, right? So you say, look quit panicking I'll help you out, but I'm, not drowning along with you it's like well, it's the same with someone in your family it's like if they're on a downward path.

And you've done your best, you know, you've you've made your efforts.

You've and they're, not paying attention they're, not changing.

They say, yeah, well, I'll quit doing this.

Yeah, I'll quit doing this.

They tell you the same story over and over and over it's, a downhill path.

You don't trust it at some point first of all you stop offering your words, that's do not cast pearls before swine a very very harsh statement right? But what it means is if someone if you're offering words of wisdom to someone in the genuine attempt help, and they treat that with contempt, then shut up because you're demeaning your words by throwing them away, you think, well, how do you help someone who's aiming down? Sometimes you help them by walking away and saying, look you're aiming down so hard that I am no, despite the fact you're, my brother man, it's, like, you know, this is killing me you're aiming down.

So hard I'm, not coming along with you.

And the reason I'm not is to tell you in no uncertain terms that what you're doing is so terrible that I will even violate our kinship to oppose it.

And maybe it'll take them 10 years to wake up to that, you know, and so that can be the case because you know, people often have to be hit so many times before they'll learn you see that especially if someone's addicted or or or otherwise pursuing a pathway that's like seriously downhill.

So why should I think that you're actually trying to change? Maybe you're? Just telling me is you're.

You tell me the story that you use to justify your own idiocy to yourself.

And then you tell it to me and you demand that because I'm compassionate, I accept it and therefore validate your, excuse it's like well that like it's really hard not to get tangled up in that right? Because if someone who's really in rough shape is telling you about why they're suffering first of all they're, probably about half right in their story, but some of its justification and excuse and blaming.

And all of that failure to take responsibility, it's really hard to stand up and say, no, I don't buy that.


I don't buy that no you're wrong about that.

You have to be a brutal bastard in order to do that.

But hey, sometimes like surgery is brutal right, it's brutal.

But this chapter about, you know, only making friends with people who want the best for you that's, a brutal chapter it's, right? Unfortunately, my sense is is that you should surround yourself with people who genuinely want the best for you or perhaps more specifically, genuinely want the best for the best part of you.

And if you're if the people around you are not supporting you in your endeavors, and they put you down, and they punish you for your virtues or even punish, you too intensely for your faults and fail to reward you when you're doing what you should be doing and fail to engage in reciprocal interactions that there comes a point where you would be better off finding someone who is actually on your side.

And that can even be the case with family members, although of course, that's a very difficult decision to make.

But sometimes people do have the misfortune of being tangled up with family members who are so who are operating in a manner, that's so counterproductive to their health that it's better for them, despite the pain to cease communication with them.

And and sometimes paradoxically enough that can also facilitate communication, because sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand before people are willing to undergo the serious self-consideration that print would precede any real transformation.

So, but I would say, even if even if you don't like the idea of removing the toxic people in your life, you should certainly endeavor to surround yourself with the sorts of people that you would want to surround someone that you regarded as your friend or loved one.

So you need to you need to extend the same courtesy to yourself, especially to the part of yourself that's, driving upward that you would to someone that you cared for.


Why you should walk away from a toxic relationship? ›

It affects a person mentally giving rise to various concerns, doing away with which takes a long period of time. This is why one must walk out of a toxic relationship when everything stops working. It is definitely hard to walk away from a person once loved or still continue to love, but it is not impossible.

What is the best piece of advice Jordan Peterson? ›

55 of the Best Jordan Peterson Quotes
  • “If you aren't moving forward in your life there is some idea, mode of action, or habit you're so in love with you won't let go of it.” ...
  • “You're not everything you could be, and you know it.” ...
  • “Perhaps you are overvaluing what you don't have and undervaluing what you do.”

Can a toxic relationship be saved? ›

Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.

Is Jordan Peterson wife ok? ›

Is it better to stay in a toxic relationship or leave? ›

"If they are willing to see a therapist, then go to counseling together," she says. "However, if you get the necessary help and find the same patterns being repeated over and over again, you should consider ending the relationship."

Why can't I let go of a toxic relationship? ›

People stay in unhealthy relationships because they believe they have invested significant time and energy in this relationship. As a result, they anticipate that everything will be fine one day. Dr Anand says, “It's normal to hope for better days, but sometimes this hope can get too prolonged and lose objective.”

What is Rule 4 of Jordan Peterson? ›

Rule 4: Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday, Not Who Someone Else is Today. No matter how good you are at something, or how you rank your accomplishments,there is someone out there who makes you look incompetent. In a million years, who's going to know the difference?

What are the biggest predictors of success Jordan Peterson? ›

The best predictors for success in those jobs is conscientiousness. Trait, conscientiousness, and conscientious people are orderly and industrious.

Can a toxic relationship ruin you? ›

Toxic relationships make you feel undervalued, misunderstood, demeaned, even abused. At its core, a toxic relationship is abusive and can damage your mental and emotional health.

What is a healthy relationship Jordan Peterson? ›

According to Jordan, successful relationships are all about creating a space where the boundaries are clearly defined, and each partner can trust the other to be completely open about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I love his last point: the idea that having everything out in the open is what builds trust.

Is Jordan Peterson currently married? ›

What nationality is Tammy Peterson? ›

Is it OK to walk away from a toxic person? ›

Stop walking on eggshells and get the courage to walk away. Real friends and loved ones appreciate you as you are and wouldn't never make you feel unworthy or insignificant. The only thing that might be worthless is continuing to expose yourself to toxic people.

Why is walking away so powerful? ›

One of the biggest reasons why walking away is powerful is because it builds respect, creates standards and boundaries, and increases your value. You will love taking control of your future, whether that means winning back a changed ex or moving on to bigger and better things.

What happens to your body when you leave a toxic relationship? ›

This trauma can often lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, disordered eating, low self-esteem and self-harm such as cutting. Mental health and traumatic triggers are directly linked to toxic relationships and vice versa.

Is it OK to walk away from a bad relationship? ›

Is It Okay To Walk Away From A Relationship? Yes, it is okay to walk away from a toxic relationship. If you feel unhappy and dissatisfied in your relationship, it is not wrong to find your happiness. Your relationship with yourself is undoubtedly the most important one and the first relationship of your life.

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